 Old Copywriting
Click here to visit the site live
 New Copywriting
Click here to visit the site live
Take a look at the two websites above.
The first example on top is the previous copywriting I had for Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires and the one below is the new version I’m currently using.
As you can see there are slight changes to the formatting, color and, if you visit the site to read the copy, small changes in the content as well. So now this is where you come in.
Because I sincerely believe that feedback is crucial to one’s success, I’m allowing myself to be open to your feedback on what you think is brilliant or bad about the new copywriting compared to the old one.
Feel free to participate and place your honest comments and feedback below and let me know what you think.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself as you take a look at the two versions:
- Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
- Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
- Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
- Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
- Which version ‘seals the deal’ and makes the order?
Also I’m holding a contest for this. I’m giving away the full Secrets Of Self-Made Millioanires program to 2 winners who give the most valuable and helpful comments and feedback about the copywriting.
So let me know what you think by placing your comment below and you could walk away with the prize.
Hey Adam,
If you put some sample videos on the sales page will be better, at least
search engine may indexing your pages faster….
Dan
Hi Adam,
in my opinion the actual seller of Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires is your story as you started from scratch and became a very successful businessman as well as speaker and coach.
Still there are some differences for which I feel that the second version is in several aspects better:
1. The number One important difference seems to me that statement you have earned $….last year instead of earning now $ … and that you come right there at the spot with the proof. The reader is actually forced to look at the proof and you got your first YES already in the first few seconds he is on your page. What more compelling method is there to get a reader’s attention as fast as this?
2. Further it builds up better from the start by placing the same modules a little bit different; f.e.the paragraph urging to read through (the first after headline) makes really much more sense in the second version as you have given there already a proof of your claim.
3. It is easier readable and therefore more comfortable and urges to read all through the letter. The grey background of the original version may be more comfortable for the eyes, but I feel anyhow that I can read the new version better.
4. But more important; I think it makes a more serious impression on the reader.
5. To spread the testimonials all over the letter works much better than before, where there were too many at one place. For my taste there are still too many in quantity on the sales page – f.e. you could put a countless number on a separate page accessable through a link on this page, or put one or two into the long text part in the middle.
6. However, on the other hand I was missing on the second version the ad you made with the N.U.S.
7. I like very much that near the end how you gave more thought to “Take The Action” (after your guarantee) and I am convinced you should put right there your Order button.
8. To take this idea a little further I would suggest to take your “Recap” (which is really good) one paragraph ahead of the “Take Action”. I feel it to be natural after “Recap” and “Take Action” to take the decision at this point, if it was not done earlier.
9. Some suggestions you could try (test):
I would keep your Photograph also in the new version, but after the paragraph “Read This Letter…,” may be on the right side. It would make your offer more personal and real.
You could improve the first part of your copy (presenting yourself and your achievements) by throwing in between some benefits the reader would get further on. This would help the reader to feel more involved with yourself.
To write down all my thoughts here might be too long and I hope not boring to anyone, but I like to invite you Adam to contact me for further discussions.
I hope this may be of any worth to you.
All success,
Juergen
Hi Adam,
You have a lot of awesome feedback comments that go into great detail here. So I am not going to go on too much.
Personally I like the original site much better.
The photo of yourself makes it more personable for a start, & it covers everything needed to know for customers to make a decision to purchase.
The second site was a lot brighter, but made my eyes go a bit funny after reading right through it, & just seemed a bit too much like a typical sales page, & much less personal I thought.
I downloaded your free 7 steps to financial freedom a while ago, so I know you know what you are talking about. Even that was very informative, & useful.
I couldn’t purchase at the time, credit card was a bit full….
I had been very unfocused at that time, Have just started an online course to become focused, & changing my mindset to where it needs to be… Your program would be a great asset to anyone I’m sure of that!
In my opinion the original site is much better though & that’s from someone that has been a bit of a sucker when it comes to great sales pages………I would think your CTR & Sales would be much higher on the original site…..
Hope that helps somewhat!
Sincerely Dianne.
Hello Adam:
I prefer the second one. My reason is that individuals seeking help
to become wealthy will immediately take notice of the
Millionaire at age 26. That in itself will encourage them
to read more. The color is more pleasing and much easier to
read and the significate part stands out as soon as you
see the Words “Millionaire” “26”. Those two things sell the
site.
The Black Lettering tells the whole story while the Red Lettering
gives the background.
The first site is not as pleasing to the eyes, because of the mixture
of Red/Black/Red/Black, etc. Makes it more difficult to have
your eyes focus on the important area that you want them to
remember.
The age 26 tells them that if you can do it at the age of 26, then
they should be able to do it at their age.
The Blue is a calming color and also reflects honesty. This
allows them to accept the contents and to read it without bias.
Then as you go down the page all of the letter is in Black which
reflects the concept of reading a book…this two reflects the
strength and character of the individuals who is presenting
his history and success.
Thanks,
Don
Hi,
I think the new one looks better as it gives people look at the data you try to present in a more structural way.
However, if you could add some flash animation to the page, that would be even better.
Thanks
ST Ooi
Hi Adam,
I think the new one is better. It shows one real concrete proof via the iras tax return. However, it would be so much better if the figure is one million or more rather than about half of it. The half million leaves the question whether you are already a millionaire to someone who doesn’t know you. The question is most of the people who visits your website would probably not have known you – that’s precisely why you are trying to market to them your book.
Having read your book, I want to tell you that you really teach your true techniques or tactics without holding back not like a lot of other books or people who claimed that they are already millionaires.
Perhaps you could set up a trust or fund to help other fellow human beings to become millionaires like you so that all fellow Singaporeans could be lifted to a level of self-sufficiency without having to burden the Singapore Society or the world around them.
Hi Adam,
I would prefer a mixture of both. The older version gives a fresh look to the readers (maybe you can play around with some colours within your website); and the content of the newer version is definately more attractive (makes the reader wants to find out more details).
Cheers!
Eric Pook
Hi Adam, after that offer of a freebie and making comments couldn’t help myself! I really prefer your latest choice, the blue on that page really catches my eye. So many copywriting pages are so stock standard, look the same (sorry but obviously mostly made by men!) who don’t particularly care what something looks like. I think to move forward in the future copywriting pages have to look different from the pack. Photos are good but I think that blue area softens things, so much copywriting is hard and factual and often its total BS but as a woman I like the look of this second one it draws my eye and makes me want to look further. I’ve never much liked copywritten pages but this one looks different. Someone mentioned it looked blurry, it doesn’t matter! Basically the two pages are the same except for that top part. I like the pictures and colour on the page with all those articles but I’d personally like it if I could click onto those articles and read them. I think you’re doing a great job Adam and an inspiration to me at 45, who only in recent years has got into internet marketing. Warm and best wishes, Lisa :^)
hi, Adam,
Simple and short Adv.
Too long statement wil make the reader bored.
best regards,
Allson
Hi Adam
I like black colour but the new black backgroud might create a very narrow visual view for the “white” content in between the two “black” strips. It might make people less open in mind to accept the message due to this visual effect.
I think the image of your best selling books (I am gifted…, Master your mind…., etc) still good to be there. For people who still don’t know about you but visit bookshop frequently, they will realise that you are the actual author and hence interest them to read on. For people who know about you but never see your books before, now they might want to look for those books to find out why there are best selling.
Your photo featured for NUS biz school is very powerful! You might have your reason to remove it but I see it will open a lot of people’s mind when they see this. This is important because not everyonw knows or likes you. The NUS page would change their mind.
I guess the page is rather long and people might stop reading half way. I would suggest make “Announcing ‘The Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires’ Program!” to be clicked on a new page. This also don’t give people an impression that this wedpage seems to be selling “goods” instead of providing ‘The Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires’
Thank you for allowing me to comment
Best regards
Joon Kee
Dear Millionaire Adam,
When you post a question like this you would hear tooooo many opinion, I don’t want to add more. Do what you feel right.
If I were you, I won’t say out how much I earn, let people imagine. Thereare many ways to say you are a high-income earner. You can say how many students you have, you may want to say how big is your house, you may want to say your tranported by private jet. You may say you lunch with CEO of DBS, his annual income is more than 2 million.
Anyway, best wish to you.
Gabriel Chen
Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
Neither because both web pages are too long. I have to highlight the fact that not many people are so patient to scroll down to read the long pages. It makes them feel that it is OK to miss some or pay less attention when the pages just keeps going and going. Instead I feel that buttons/hyperlinks can be put in placed because it give the reader some control over what they want to see and this sense of control is important to them and it will make the website looks more professional and organized as well. A good user experience brings more positive feeling about the product.
Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
The Yellow highlights are used too generously. It cheapens the website totally. If not for the fact that you are somewhat known to us thru media as someone who is good what at what you are doing, most people who have the faintess idea of you might have thought you are just talking air.
Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
Both version gives is a cheap outlook to the web site. But the website presents a lot of useful proofs and convincing evidences that does make an impact on readers but this impact can be enhances with better presentation and outlay of the webpage.
Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
I am indifferent to either. Equally not compelling.
Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
I would think both have same effects. But maybe the new version that begins with yout income tax statement speaks loud to Singaporeans. Because they see a familiar income tax form.
Regards,
Yau
Hi,
I think that original one was better to me (when I read it for the first time I almost buy it), but the new one is more colourful.
The original led me to scroll down to the bottom and I read every word, making me the impulse of buy it…
But I think that you can provide the info about how much money you spent in this “journey to the top” also. And how much time did you spend in achieving it.
For your words I assume that the most important thing is the mindset and the tools and strategies are secondary…This is I believe, and for my own experience this is what I know. But your system seems to focus more in the strategies and tools, am I right?
Greetings
Dear Adam,
I have seen both versions. i would say i prefer the newer version as it makes me want to scroll downwards and read more. This is because the new version is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows me to focus on what the message is. However, it would be better if the wordings for the bonuses are smaller because the bigger the size of the wordings, the more i have to scroll.
Can i suggest if the font to be changed probably to Maiandra GD, dark green in colour which is more comfy instead of using Arial or Times New Roman in which is kind of common? However, the highlighted items caught my attention. It would be better if more photos to be added to catch our attentions.
Best regards.
Wld prefer the original one as it is more appealing than the new version, even the earning $ amt is higher than the new version which makes it very tempting for ppl who wants to know more on how to increase / create personal wealth. The photo itself already trigger the sparks for readers as the person in the photo looks young and the $ amt makes reader feel tempted to find out more.
The new version with the IRAS form is a bit too exaggerated and it appears that the writer is making too much efforts to proof on his income figures, although this will make the writeup more convincing but it make me feel like one of those fortune telling stores – pasting all kinds of 4D / toto winning tickets outside the shop to proof that the numbers they predicted for their customers are accurate. Kind of like ‘selling goh-yok (hokkein for medicated plasters)’ scene in drama to start off the copy writing. Perhaps the IRAS form can be at the middle page of the copy writing to show evidence for the readers rather than at the top page of the write up.
Hi Adam,
Here’s my comments:
Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
Review: At first sight, the top one looks more interestingand ‘friendly’ to me.I feel it’ll be more appealing to international market since IRAS logo is more relevant and does provide credentials to the typical local ‘unbelieving’ Singaporans.However It might also turn local ppl from reading further with the negative associations with “income tax payment…” syndrome.
Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
Review: The bottom one just gave me a more refreshing ‘feel’ subconsciously then the top one. It could be due to the layout , colour scheme and photos mix.
Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
Review: The bottom one is more detailed on the contents and course outlines.Perhaps adding in some relevant “wisdom of adages” at the bottom might help.
Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
Review: Bottom one with the highlights seems to gain more immediate attention.
Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
Review: The top one since its more concise in details and would better promote “impulse buying” for web surfers.
Hi Adam,
I’ve been reading your articles, they are all full of usefull information and have attended a preview conducted by Steve in JB.
I’ve seen both your sites and the following are my comments, hope it helps!!
1) The old site have a picture of yourself and this will impress readers that it’s genuine deal. But the new site show proof of your income, maybe you should have both!
2) You have itemize info on your new site, which i think is very easy to read but one has to scroll down many times to read the whole website. Suggest you have categories eg., Press release, Testimonial….etc.
3) Your testimonials are from some people that are not known worldwide (no offence to the people involved), but maybe you should have testimonial/pictures from the HP, Ministry of Defence, Police Force, Telecoms..etc. that are well known worldwide.
Hope the above helps.
Nirre
Neither, both websites caters to those who don’t mind spending time on the computers, or/and have much time on their hands. Suddenly feel like writing, dunno why but will be 1st and last time doing so.
1. Both websites deploy similar style and presentation, and attract only a certain people with certain characteristics. If research or professional analysis is done, such websites attracts certain people or market segment. In Singapore, less than 10% of ideal reachout.
2. But hey, the websites are a start. Though lots of improvements ( in presentation and articles editing ) needs to be done. Success stories in both website do not sell well. Agree with juergen, the real thing that attracts reader is the story of how you made it, complete with what you went through, the steps you took to achieve goals and such. Look are ‘chicken soup’. Present more success stories locally, most books have success stories in specialised areas, none in business ventures or business opportunities…
Another suggestions, is to have other marketing means/presentation of reaching out to more diverse people in the websites.
Last, you are great in your books so far, keep up the great efforts…
Personal Notes Only: Like most trainers similar in style with you, will says either you REALLY try work hard to be rich or you die trying. Considering the 20% who succeed ( 5% or less who really become rich ), the statistic is too ‘sad’ to ignore.
There is a true story of a Indian man who setup a bank in India, which give loans to poor skilled people when others will not. It’s now in top three largest bank, (recall the only local bank?). Partnerships may help the authors be richer and gain more profit, despite the risk of most ventures being failures… Think about this….
Hi Adam,
In my opinion, the old copywrite looks more appealing. It is easier to read, with those important words highlighted in read. It brings the message across in a clear & concise way. What is most impressive & inspirational is the income! The amount of $936,522 you have stated in the old version vs $549,078.40 in the new.
It is good to include a picture of yourself. A copy of the IRAS would make it more credible.
The yellow highlight & the underlining on the new copywrite distracts the reader. A picture of yourself would made it more personal. You are personable both in looks & character, include your photo by all means.
Best Regards,
Subin
Hi,I have come across many internet marketers showing off their bank balance.
But most of the time never publsih their photos.My point is anyone can create and income tax form with latest IT products and the figures can be fake.
Seeing the person (adam) in person then in figures many have more effect on the reader.I belive we all have a sense of pyshic where by seeing some one we
can feel or sense if that person is genuie.We have seen many successful peolpe in the TV or Magzines.So the reader can feel if another person is really successfull as he(Adam) claims.So all my senses feel the old copy is more effective and proving for you claim , ADAM.
Thank you.
I prefer the original version, plain and symbol.
The 2nd ver: who cares about the IRAS form. It’s too complicated with numbers. The black and white color composition makes my eyes sick and irritated. Moreover, the three colors: black, yellow and red in addition with underline letters in the title and black background do the page less professional and less appealing.
That’s what i think
Hi Adam,
I believe that a good copy writing will give high conversion rate and motivate the reader to take action to buy. As i have read your book on “Master Your Mind, Design Your Destiny”, you mentioned that we use phsiology and submodalities or anchor to change our emotional state. And motivational emotional state will drive one to POSITIVE ACTION. In this case, it is to buy your products.
From what i see, your old copywriting captured my attention more will make me to scroll down to read more. It stands out as compared to the new one as the combination of Black and Red Lettering make the important message like “Junvenile Misfit”, “Millionaire” and “$936,522 A Year” to Stand Out very vividly and speak to my mind. Thus the benefits are really highlighted to me very clearly… Someone useless, Become an Millionaire and MAKE $936,522 a year… WHOW!” That the impact your old copywriting has on me… not the new one.
Additionally, your old copywriting is more comfortable to my eye.
One important factor is that the old copywriting capture my attention on one glance, and the same glance, the key selling words are implanted in my mind. If i am now poor and out or that i am looking for way to make myself rich (a hungry fish), when i saw your old copywriting, it will compell me to read more as the layout and coloring combination of the Words in the header stirr up my emotion … as i see a solution to what i need at this moment. This emotion state change will make me to take action to read more…. and eventually, if the rest of the BOBY of the copywriting continue to stirr up my emotional need, bringing it to a higher level of motivational emotion state…. then chances of me buying is very very high.
In summary, we buy thing based on our emotional state and then we rationalised LATER with logic to justify our buy. And i feel the old copywriting header bring up my buying and reading emotional desire more than the new one.
Stick to the first one. It felt more “real” to have a person’s picture there. More credibility as people will know it’s a real-life story of a real person, intead of some unknown guy putting up a pay-slip (which might be a fake..).
I mean, too many internet marketers hide behind the scene w/o showing their faces, and sometimes I really doubt the things they are selling.
anyway, I guess the length of the comment doesn’t make a difference right? and I am not going to sound patronising as I’ve never attended any of Adam’s courses.
Im quite impressed with the new copywriting than the old one. Even when it comes to the design and color the new one is more appealing in my own taste.
What you wrote is interesting to read. Thanx!
Dear Adam,
I think the old one is better. Somehow your picture gives a real impression rather than the numbers. That’s what I felt coz I know there are many people who can put up fake figures.
Moreover as you scroll down the old one, you are caught up very soon with many newspaper clippings, which gives a very good impression. This is the only thing which caught my attention when I fisrt visited your website.
The new one is not impressive. I just scrolled down leisurely and after two pages or so you have put the newspaper clippings. This might not work well as the reader can just shut the window and go back. There are only words and words and words, with only one testimonial on the first page, which can be thought fake.
I will still rate your old website better as your pic and newspapers give a very real impression of a real person who can help you succeed. It is also soothing and captivating.
Dear Adam,
Just now I bought your I am Gifted so are You book when I am writting you this E-mail I have that book front of me. I have bought your The Secret of Self Made Millionaries and read it throughly and liked it too. The same book I have given to my boss for reading and I insist my staff to read it to improve their financial situation.
I am an Indian and working in Singapore. I first came a cross to you via internet surfing and facinated by your story that you have given in your website. That how you set and achive your goal in your student and business life .
And now planning to buy your third book Master your Mind and Design your destiny.
I really appriciate you to help other people to achive the financial Intelligency and freedom.
With warm regards,
Surendra Samant.
It would be good to put your photograph with the IRA together.
Hi Adam, since I was a young child my father use to tell me “if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it”.
As Always,
Ron
hi adam i felt that its good that u make your website a new look!After visiting your blogs countless times i felt that this is one of the best graphics produced
I think both the new and old copywriting are effective; however I think the new copywriting is more effective due to drawing extra attention to the key points such as Juvenile Misfit and Millionaire By Age 26, specifically extending the attention to the age and highlight rather than redundant red coloring. The amount of money is lower, but I don’t believe that it makes much of a difference in the effectiveness. Also, showing proof of your statement by way of a copy of a check also helps make the statement more believable, even though check can be digitally edited to seem more lucrative. As a side note, I have read both “Master Your Mind Design Your Destiny” and “Secrets of Self-Made Millionaireds” and I’m currently implimenting stratigies from both. They information is great, and we’ll see how it works. Thanks!
Hi Adam
The new version is more appealing due to the yellow highlighted and ira tax assessment. It’s more real and captivating for people to want to find out how you do that.It made me scroll down all the way. Good job.
By the way, I enjoy your books – Master your Mind and Design your destiny and The secrets of self-made millionaires very much. Very educative and imformative. The fiancial information is very relevant and applicable to people in the financial planning industry. I have recommended to some of my colleagues and they like it too. I strongly recommend to all in the financial planning industry to read this book so that you can better educate your client.
All the information contain in this book definitely worth more that $31.50.
Adam, thanks for your generosity to share your life experience in this book. Appreciated. Keep going. We look forward to more books from you.
Sincerely
Augustine Lim
Dear Adam, I hope you read my comment.
Firstly, I am a person who really wants to be rich. And I find my direction by reading get-rich-books. So among all the millionaires givings seminars, writing books so on… what makes someone stand out to me?
– Declare your bank savings.. to MAKE PEOPLE GO … Wow.
If you declare how much you have accumulated over the years and what is your net worth… people who will feel more inclined to buy your products because they are MORE IMPRESSED, MORE MOTIVATED by that figure. E.g Adam Khoo is worth 50.8 Million or 10.8 Million., HE EARNS MILLIONS A YEAR., Asia’s Most Ambitious Businessman, Singapore’s MOST Well-Known Millionaire., Man Who Dominated Market At 16 Years Of Age., He Started Earning His Six-Figure Salary at the age of 16., Young Entrpreneur Says It All.
These are the few KEY Headings which your website require IN ORDER TO PULL MORE VISITORS…and EVENTUALLY BUYERS. The one with a black background looks very unprofessional but the IRAS form makes the whole thing so convincing and true… But your should put a your $$ 935 522 figure rather than that HALF-Million figure which doesn’t even look convincing. It’s difficult to explain but I made a sample website for you of what I think is good.
http://e-shock.macan.info/adam_khoo/adamkhoo.htm
I completely revamped the headings, colours used, bg so on… but I simply copied the main content over… I will delete the site when your done finishing looking at it…
ANYWAY SOME OF THE FIGURES ARE CREATED BY MYSELF.
All comments by other people are quite true… BUT LETS COMBINE THE GOOD POINTS THAT EVERYBODY HAD MENTIONED.
Jerry said : Who cares about IRAS FORM…
My Ans : It is important… that is CREDIBILITY.
Rita said : The real picture is better than the numbers..
I say : BOTH ARE EQUALLY IMPORTANT.
Chen Yong Chao said :
Dear Adam … do what you feel right…
I SAY : Nonsense, 1 of the key elements of BUSINESS SUCCESS is
Axl said :
Stick to the first one. It felt more “real†to have a person’s picture there. More credibility as people will know it’s a real-life story of a real person, intead of some unknown guy putting up a pay-slip (which might be a fake..).
I Say : BOTH R IMPORTANT… (if u hav ur blog url imprinted on ya books… ppl know tht this is no scam site)
Differentiation. you must be 10% more credible, 10% faster, 10% better THAN UR OPPONENTS. I learnt this from Richard Dobbins… British Millionaire.
Anyway the site is done by ME… Benjamin L. Aw.
If you want the website… I can give you the link for download… Anyway its your content…
TO ROUND THINGS UP…. People trust in whatever you do BECAUSE U R ADAM KHOO, the famous guy in Asia… but consider my ideas!!
I prefer the new layout. Its straight forward and to the point. Seeing the income adam khoo earns certainly boost up the confident in me that SSMM works not only for him but for everyone else.. afterall seeing in believing..
Hi Adam,
I have bought and read your copy of the Self-Made Millionaires for 3 times in 10 days. I must agree that it is very well written and inspiring. After so much reading on intrinsic value, none can measure to how simple you have put it across in your book that i understand this term on my first read.
As for your blog on the different version of copywriting, my question to you is, “Does it really matters?!”
If there is a person who is really so determined to gain all the financial literacy that he can possible find, what can stop him? A poorly designed website or content, OR you?
I do not deny the importance of design and colour scheme and the part it plays in attracting and maintaining the attraction of readers. I am trained in e-instructional design and i must defend my training, ya.
I can only say that if a decision has been made and commitment thrown in, only the person who made this decision can stop himself from learning more. Not your different version of copywriting, poorly design website, and not even You can stop him from finding out more.
Your Learning Partner,
Leroy Ang
Hi Adam
I would prefer your old copywriting with photo. In the photograph, you wore a simple red polo T shirt, exhibiting simplicity. Your T shirt color happened to align with the words “Millionnaire” & “Juvenile Misfit” which were also in red print. That was definitely a catch for my eyes. It built curiosity for me to read on to find out how could a Juvenile turn Millionnaire!
Finally, I hope you can bless me with your book.
Sincerely
Vodkalime
Hi Adam,
Congratulations on your success and an inspiration to others to emulate.
Both sites have it pros n cons, however the new site colours is more contrasting, appealing and pleasing to my eyes at least. Also I prefer to see your picture, it straight away capture the person behind the success; and to read more about the success.
However, both sites are rather long and can be tedious to continue reading from top to bottom; it may be better to provides links to other pages for different sections.
Best regards,
Alvin
k… a followup comment… can i ask u something Adam?
If all your cutomers buy ur audio products VIA the NET… and refund them… u mean they can keep it? den everyone would do that.. THEY GET THEIR $$ back and UR WHOLE PROGRAM TOO!! can you explain to me the whole picture??? or are you doing wad u said Microsoft was doing… spreading the ADAM KHOO brand name?? Monopolizing the market?? But U HAV ALR DONE THAT!! HAHA!!! anyway do you know somebody called Christian TT Chua would wrote the BOOK Financial Literacy from Renosis Training Agency??? He speaks like you!!! I suppose he modelled u!!!
I find that Luxton’s comments is very much inline with mine…
MIXING THE TWO TOGETHER.
I hav done all these for u in my newly revamped site for u.
mixing, pic, testimonials, gd bg, bg colour, simplicity…
(MIXING)
To me I think you need to mix and match the two.
I prefer the simplicity of the orıginal’s heading – black font with a few important words in red – no highlighting or underlining.
(UR PHOTO…)
The photo is a must – earnings graphics do nothing for me.
You look likeable, you are in front of a laptop and you are wearing casual clothes so this says to me that you are approachable and are livng your own life style because of the freedom your computer gives you.
Current Earnings (OR DEDCLARE E MONEY U HAV IN YA BANK!)
“Keep the $936,522 earnings figure because it’s current. I don’t care what you earned last year – maybe you are out of business now” (u c… great minds think alike…hehe:P)
TESTIMONIALS (IMPORTANT)
” It’s good that in the 2nd version you put Mei Mei’s testimonial near the top. Plus what she achieved was good but not unbelievably great. ”
we think alike..
– Ben Aw
Dear Mr. Khoo,
I think I still prefer the previous copy than the new one because it project with photo of you and it shown that you are the real author,not any Tom,Dick or Harry who wrote it just to gain the readers attention. Moreover, it shows that you are a genuine person who had succeeded in achieveing this tremendous result with multiple failure attempts before finding your true financial freedom. This is what everybody’s dream & wishes but only the fighter like you as a local singaporean prove to us that there is a possibility to succeed if you follow these steps. Thus , you hold the key to success & an example to all.
That is my opinion about your copywriting.
Thank you with regards,
victor
Adam Khoo,
Thanks for your enlightening and life changing audio file. It gives me so much reason why I shouldnt stick to the boring norm of society. More importantly, you have taught me what it means to be a true entrepreneur, a million thanks.
With Gratitude,
Sebastian
Hi,
The old and new copywritings are both very captivating, but the new copywriting is not very suitable to place at start of your webpage.
Imagine potential customers visiting your webpage for the 1st time, and the 1st thing that captures their eyes are the IRAS form showing the huge amount that you earned. Initially they may feel excited how u got the income but I can I can assured many more will feel rather envied and jeolous that the money are not theirs. Worst is they may feel that you are too boostful and proud, in the end all those facts seems too skeptical to them.
People into internet marketing have actually seen a lot on these so called “genuine income”, so what they are looking for are not how much you earn but how much you can help them earn? I believed all the people browsing your web already have the millionaire images of you in their mind even before they click on your link.
I am not saying the new copywriting does not work. It actually does serve a purpose in convincing your actual income. But it should not be placed at the top of your introduction page, it should be somewhere after they have read and convince of your story telling… e.g. testimonial side just to prove your income status…
Best regards,
Eric Tan
Submitted to Adam (Wong)’s email! 😉
Adam,
No point wondering which design or copywriting is
better.
You just have to DO it to know.
It is what the customers want that matters,
not what you think the customer would want.
Compare the sales that you are getting with the new
site with the old, and you will know who is better.
Keep on Testing with New Design, Pictures, Testimonials,
Free-Gifts, Bonus…….
It is an on-going responsibilty of you to keep on
improving the contents, the SSMM package, to
keep on giving the custmers Values, hitting the
customer’s Emotional Button and the Desire
to get the product.
Just Do It!
Thank You.
Well, you asked for a critique. Here goes….
If the purpose of getting feedback is to improve the salesletter (ie increase the conversion rate), the whole exercise is futile. Why?
Each and everyone of our comments do not help determine whether sales letter A or B is better or worse. Individually, each of us might have a preference; but taken collectively, this opinion counts for nothing.
So what if 1 reader prefers headline A, 10 readers prefer headline B, and so on.
Even if 99% of your readers tell you the same thing, it might very well be the wrong thing. You wouldn’t know.
To see which sales letter is better, run them in parallel with a A-B test and see which one gives you a better conversion (making sure the sample size is sufficient).
That will be your better sales letter. At the end of the day, the market is always right. Why not listen to it?
“It looks like a Nigerian Scam” my friend said to me as she peeps into my screen when I opened the second salescopy.
“George, you believe in this kind of stuff? I always close the window when I saw this kind of stuff.” She added.
I must say being a constant reader of your salescopy and blog, we can’t really tell the difference and how it appeals to different people. But as my friend made a sweeping comment on your new salescopy (just the top part), I began to ponder many lessons we can learn from this.
Why does my friend say this?
One of the reasons why she could be saying this is because she is not exposed to internet marketing thus does not believe anything about the online hype. But there’s another important reason here, maybe she is not the target audience.
Speaking about target audience, I believed the products you are selling are aimed at a specific group of people, (those who JUST STARTED to want to get rich and financially independent). So where does this group of people comes from? I do not really know your marketing strategies behind your traffic strategies, but if I’m not wrong, most of your traffic comes from blog, newspapers, word of mouth, your loyal POE graduates, IAG probably too. My guess is those who have already desired to buy your book would have already bought, so chances are you are targeting on new, fresh, and international wanna-get-financial-rich wannabies.
I asked myself who are these people? Where would they come from? And how did they arrive at your site?
For myself, I started to get exposed with the financially-rich stuff by you (POE). And then I went into a journey of exploration with MLM, reading up, investing, robert kiyosaki, internet marketing…. I guess the people that are your target audience is somewhere between a newbie and a intermediate.
Sorry if I talked so much about target audience but you know as well as I do that in a good salescopy, it’s driving across the message to the right audience. Perhaps what I said about target audience is different from yours.
The most critical part of a good salescopy is to capture potential customer’s attention. Although the second salescopy has a big fat cheque on the top, for the newbies, I think it gave a sense of fake,scam, too hype feeling. However, for the first one, your photo gave a feeling of “hey, maybe this is true, it’s real, I’m gonna believe it.” (Unconsciously, of course.) In addition to that, the photo also gave a sub-conscious signal that “hey, this man already put his photo on the blog, maybe I can scroll down more to check it out, no harm anyway”.
Another reason why the cheque should not be placed at the top is because the credibility of your salescopy is not there yet. The feeling of trust has not been built up. Thus, maybe that was the reason my friend commented “a nigerian scam”.
For the background itself, the black background somehow gave a negative feeling. I’m not sure whether this has been proven, but somehow black does not give a very positive effect. The older version background again looks more real, genuine and true to me even though black background allows the eyes to focus on the words. My point here is true, real and genuine is more important than focus.
The colour of the headline of the salescopy is great! And the highlighting too!
In your second copy, I noticed that the pictures of your books are taken out. Again, the books gave you so much credibility to those who just know you. If you took it out, the salescopy may not have such a strong impact. Another friend of mine was envy of the many proofs you can put in your salescopy that make your copy so credible and believable; it will be a waste if that is taken out.
The testimonies in the new copies have been separated which I think is a good technique which should be continued.
There is one important aspect that I am bringing into light.
For your second copy, the fonts for your products were exceptionally BIG! Perhaps your intention was to capture the audience attention and to give a subconscious impact that the product worth alot of money. But as I compared it with the older version, I felt the older version is better. Instead of forcing people to read the HEAVY WORDED bullets, the older version allows me to have a HOLISTIC view of what the content of your book is all about.
Because you have improved on your bullets, it would seem very wordy to read the contents of your book. “I am gifted, So are you” is such an apelling book because there are many pictures beside the words and the words are not cramped in one area. But for the new selescopy, the words are fully cramped in an area (I’m still refering to the contents of your books). I like the older one with a picture of your book besides it. Because the fonts are big, it made it harder for people to scroll down too. So my suggestion here is to reduce the font size and add back picture of “self-made millionaire besides it.
To conclude what I have said,
This are the recommendations suggested:
1.Change colour of the background back to the old salescopy
2.Your photo still is true and genuine so putting back at the top would be great.
3.Perhaps the cheque can come below the first testimony.
4. The books you have wrote (put it back)
5. Reduce the fonts of your (bullets) and put a pic of your book besides the bullets.
• Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting? (The new version.)
• Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is? (The old version, as I feel the new version with black background at the sides is not very pleasant to the eyes. )
• Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader? (The new version.)
• Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader? (The new version.)
• Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order? (The new version.)
In general, I feel the new version with your income sheet in the very beginning is very attractive to readers, but maybe you should put your photos just after the income sheet, as it will make this webpage more real and people will believe it. I feel it is good that you put the newspaper about you slightly after your letter. It makes readers like me feel it is a webpage which has real stuff.( Overall, I like the new version.)
Hi Adam,
Personally, I prefer the new copywriting. Content-wise, both versions are enticing enough to make me want to read more. However, the new version appears to be more structured and organised, and hence, easier on the eyes. However, I would recommend you add a picture of yourself at the top (as per the old version) as it makes for a better introduction – beginning immediately with a tax statement seems so cold and impersonal. But the text should wrap around the picture rather have a white space next to the picture. Also, the tax statement should be clearer if possible, especially if you decide to begin the website with it. It doesn’t look good visually to have a blurred “picture” right at the very beginning.
Hi Adam,
I am very formillure with your 1st version, however, I like the NEW one better. You got rid of allot of deadspace, cut back on the testimonials (you could add more by sinking them into a clickable area) LOL. It’s a very big site and I could see newbies getting tired of reading it all, but you have so much to offer. Where Oh Where did your picture go?? Even a small one by your signature would make a differance. Other then that…Woo Hoo way to go!!!
All the best.
Yours in success,
Monique “Nicky” Evans
Hi Adam,
I prefer the old version coz as most said, it has got your photo on it, that will make it more realistic. I’ve never miss to read your e-mails because it gives me inspirations and hopes that there are actually opportunities out there.
Sincerely,
Siti