Old Copywriting vs New Copywriting

“HOW TO MASSIVELY IMPROVE YOUR COPYLETTER
…SO THAT YOUR CUSTOMER CONVERSION RATE DOUBLES!”

Dear Adam,

Focus… Don’t lose your objective. As an Internet Marketer, you are a game player and you want high conversion rates.

I noticed your loyal following here majority (especially your Singaporean Fans) prefers the old copy writing. I would relate to the Theory of Inertia. People are resistant to new concepts.

I think otherwise. Your copy letter should have the bold colors of your second copy. Why? Marketing people always create hype and sensation. Your copy letter must stir up buying mood. Your previous copy’s colors lack excitement that will take away spending mood.

I also recommend you use a picture like that of “Master Your Mind Design Your Destiny”, with you in success looking mode dressed in suit etc. That’s how the public’s perception of success anyway (think Tony Robbins).

Look, most of internet marketing target audience like what you had said, are the “Ang Mos”. Come on Adam, these people have hunger for success and are aggressive people. You need more “sleek & edge” with the packaging of Robert Kiyosaki, Robert G Allen or Tony Robbins! Isn’t that the ultimate kind of branding you want for yourself?

Don’t forget the killer strategy is repeat customers & Opt-In List. You need strong branding (think Apple, Nike & Macdonald’s). I would propose you create a slightly more edgy brand image that correspond better with your dynamic personality.

So to double your conversion rate, the ultimate twin strategy: Strong Branding (long term) & Call for Action Factors (short term).

Massive Success
Melvin Fang

Dear Adam,

I got to know you through your book, “Secrets of self made millionaires”. In my opinion, it’s the best financial book I’ve read so far.

I personally felt that the NEW copywriting is more captivating. I actually felt the impulse to purchase the material there and then. The OLD copywriting which I’ve read some time ago did not give me this urge.

The NEW sales letter has better layout and easy to the eyes. The flow of facts and personal story created a strong emotional attachement.

These are my comments:

1) You should maintain your picture at the top. Your friendly face definitely will improve rapport and trust with your reader.

2) The title is NOT very attractive to me. It’s has been shown that the title of a sales letter has major effect on the success rate. Therefore I would suggest that you test and measure a few titles.

Keep up your good work!

Thank you.

Kind regards,

JH Chin

Hi Adam,

Honestly, I prefer the new copyright because of the following reasons:

1) It is more organised.
2) It flows naturally with the ‘breaking-up’ of the testimonials to give the added credentials to the points you’re trying to put across throughout your letter.
3) It conclusion hit hard at the heart of the reader who are still skeptical about their investment. It stops the reader from considering their monetary investment twice, when they realised that a true success is not to just fulfilled one own’s dream but also the dreams of the ones he/she loves the most. And that usually comes with sacrifices and 100% commitment.

REVIEW

New Site
•The Pay Statement at top is a turn off; seasoned surfers tend to think it’s fake. It’s positioning is better in the old site, but replace it with a more detailed statement (with key areas blurred of course) to create credibility.
•The margin adjustment is a plus; makes for easier reading
•Black background contrast is hard on the eyes
•First testimonial is better placed.
•The red font color in the Components List is distracting; keep the old color
•The check boxes are a better idea, but match the checks to the color of the headline
•The estimated price of the Fast Action Bonuses is better at $797 which increases the perception of their value

Old Site
•The figure in the headline seems to be plucked out of thin air. It is not validated with some kind of proof; like the headline in the new site is.
•The headline for the newspaper articles should be kept in red.
•The book covers are a plus; keep them. It reinforces credibility.
•The flow of the site from the news articles to the Free CD is better. Replace the seminar picture with the Wealth Academy one.
•Leave out the University Ad. It takes up too much space, doesn’t relate to people outside of Singapore and borders on bragging.
•The highlighting in the components list is more strategically placed than in the new site
•The dashed-line border around the Components list would better be replaced with a single line border; but not as thin as the one in the new site
•The copy in this site is more convincing than the new one; but there are sections of the new copy that is quite good as well.

This list is by no means an exhaustive one. Thanks for letting me share!

Hi Adam,

I prefer the new copyright. It is more organised, and the it flows more naturally. However, the colour scheme leaves much to be desired. Simplicity is the “in-thing” nowadays, with people focusing more on information. The black backdrop simply steals the attention.

Hello Adam your program seems to be good I would like to order with a money order International I hope that you will appreciate my comments I would like from your secrets of course . Teofilo Calle

Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
Ans: Old version. I feel so much more personal when I see your photograph, it makes it look as if you are talking directly to the reader. The income tax assessement could be combined with the earlier version (scrolled down after your photo). You may feel that the newer version “stands out” more due to the black background. I agree to a certain extent, however, black is a very subjective colour that some people might not like. I would suggest the use of a more pastel colour but not grey like in the older version. It will then be easier on the eyes as the center portion of the page do not seem so bright and striking. Older version builds up more and slowly feed the benefits to the reader. I suggest that you do not use the testimonials first. Focus more on your achievements, newspaper reports are excellent tools which people like to see. They add lots of credibility to the entire paragraph which the reader is about to read. Both versions are able to seal the deal, but I still prefers the older one as I’m more attracted to the layout. As the saying goes, lay the foundations right, and building the skyscraper will be much easier. My two cents worth of opinions. Cheers, Melvin Tay

Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?

The colour tone for new one not as good. Put the old picture before the IRAS return will be more personal & friendly. Change the black colour to lighter shade (blue) or other patterns.

Regards,
Randy

I was checking your web page from time sometime since I learned through a book title “I am gifted, so are you!”.
Actually, I deeply appreciate that you print those kind of book.
I bought 7 copies for my friend’s kids and can see they changing slowly.
They slowly realized about their dream much more seriously than before after read your book. It’s one of the Greatest for young generation.
Oh, your new web page is much better for me. To be honest with you, there is no logical back up for my preference but I strongly felt much stronger energy inside me from 2nd version.
Simply, intuitively love your 2nd version much better.
It will bring more successful attention from your clients, this means you can devote more to many people Globally….
How nice you keep changing people’s life positive way.
Good luck to you and everybody who visit your web site.
Have a blessed day now.
Thank You For Your Interest!

Please check your email for the link to download your copy of “7 Steps to Financial Freedom”.

Regards
Adam Khoo

hi adam,
This is K.Nivas from india.
am completely new to this site and you and am sure
my comments will not a friendly one as the previous comments.

Regarding the look of the site i feel the new site is much better
than the previous one as you are aware the new things always excites a lot and we feel young only as we grow……

am sure regarding the words an experienced trainer will be picking words so carefully that it influences the reader a lot and persuade him

one more thing you can change the plain background like (black) to a striped one like black horizontal stripes in a grey background
am sure it picks the sight a lot more

and in one comment it was said that the amount quoted previously was much greateer than the new one that is your previous income is greateer than the new one.
but to be true i noticed that only after reading the comments.

moreover giving a whole picture of what a customer will get in hand as he signs in for the course like the books and cds is really a great stratergy and it is sure to persuade the customers a lot…

am watching your site for a couple of days and you are improving the site day by day

for example you’ve added your photograph at the top

changed the description of site a bit

..etc

carry on ….

looking forward for newer changes…

i’ll post some more comments as i discover some newer stratergies

take charge and live with passion

Ultimately, it’s not all the colours that matter but the relevance of the contents that attracts customers.

Dear Adam.

After following this thread of comments for sometime, I’ve decided to point out a few things I’ve seen raised.

As a person who collects and reads internet marketing salesletters everyday , I know fairly well how an online salescopy should be written
to work effectively. I have subscribed to so many subscriber’s lists that I now have more than 4081 emails in my inbox pointing me to their salesletter pages which I do skim and/or read. Some salescopy were so compelling that I was scammed from them while others fail to make much of an impression on me.

My comments are drawn from my vast experience of reading good copywriting but please do not take my comments to be a holy grail of some sort.

I ‘ve noticed that the new salesletter has changed in many ways since the beginning of the contest. I know this because I saved the original “new” salesletter.

Looks like you have been working very hard in internalising the comments and did all the refining work necessary. Good job! I will then compare between the old salesletter and the current one at the time of writing.

Let me start by answering the questions posted.
*The second version makes me want to scroll downwards and read more because it is organized with many hooks to encourage curiosity and encourages further reading.
*The first version was more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read because it was more organized in an expected format.
However, both allows me to focus on the message.
*The second version builds up and drums the benefits into the reader better, in fact it feels like it is hammered in continuosly.
*The second version creates a more compelling offer. Will explain this shortly.
*The second one seals the deal better.

If any one salesletter should win, it would be the second one as it has been improved tremendously.

Originally the background for the second copy was black and it proves to be effective as it accentuates the white background of the content better. I would have done the same but I would tone it down a little as it can be straining, however, I would not prefer to tone it down to a grey. A darker version of navy blue that looks almost black will do it to acheive the wanted effect without pushing the limits too much. The fact that discord in colour is highly effective. Push the limit to draw the focus and when it is just about too powerful tone down just a little. That would be just nice.

Secondly, about the debate on whether to put the photo or the IRAS statement first, I believe that you should stick with the current choice of having the statement first, for the simple fact that it builds credibility very well, and then have the photo to kickoff. The current arrangement is good as it does not distract the reader too much from the title as it is slightly blurry and it does complement the headline by drawing the attention to it. However, I would prefer to have a better photo taken as it looked a little sloppy with the knee showing just beneath the shorts. Now, when building credibility, one must have the best, profesionally taken photograph upfront. Nothing wrong with showing the relaxed side , but a better pose and posture will really help. You want it in a way such that I, as a respected and big client from Europe or somewhere (who thinks “Mr Adam Khoo”
is a businessman from a country which could be in the southest part of Africa) am sitting right in front of Mr Adam Khoo and waiting to be impressed.

A new picture can also be taken while holding the printed IRAS statement and then magnified to prove the credibility, at the same time, ending the debate on whether to have the IRAS form
or the picture first.

On putting the testimonials, you want to start and end with a bang. Meaning, the first testimonial is from someone really established and well-known in the business circle
and when the salesletter goes about explaining the benefits one by one and the suspect slowly becomes a prospect, the last testimonial will get the person sold and the deal sealed.

Another suggestion is to have a testimonial right after the P.S.es as many people will scroll right into the PS. Also, people who are already sold
after reading the PS will have another reminder to the results having the program and another call to action can be made.
Your graphical recap is effective. By having it in graphic, the reader will know what the offer is and the reader will already have pictured themselves owning it. The summary table is also good to put things clearly and demonstrate the benefits being delivered and setting the high perceived value.

Newspapers cuttings are good and have been used correctly. However, you can have the graphics with a “teared” border and also arrange them more haphazardly with instead of two cuttings arranged on top of each other. We know that the newspapers which catches the eye are: Rich & Frugal, Lifestyles of the Rich $ Famous, Driving Ambition and Young Singaporean Talks For $1000 an hour. So, have the rest which are in monotone slightly enlarged and have those eye-catching articles draw the attention to those that are less conspicious.

I disagree in getting rid of the NUS poster. The NUS poster is the best thing since sliced bread and should not be neglected. That picture is a good example of how the photograph should look like in the beginning of the salesletter. Use the NUS brand as a good way to establish credibility. Communicate to the reader that NUS is a highly establish and pretigious university ranking 19th in the world and they would not
treat their brand lightly. Something must be better to show that the NUS brand is uphold and Adam Khoo is the right person. It shows that there is an academia institution backing
the “Adam Khoo” brand and because this program is meant to teach, the reader is more ready to buy. Use that.

You can use the history , track record and the business experience to your advantage better.
Meaning, exactly like how Abraham Lincoln is always illustrated.
At age 8, expelled from school for misbehavior .
At age .., top ten student within school.
At age 15, started a mobile disco business (later grew into an event management company)
At age .., NO. 1 student in the Cambridge ‘O’ Level exam
At age .., aceepted into the best Junior College in Singapore, Victoria Junior College.
At age .., accepted in National University of Singapore, top 20 universities in the world. (Currently have the world ranking of 19th)
At age .., on the dean’s list and ranked among the top 1% of students in the entire country
At age 21, started my second business (training and consultancy)
At age 22, started investing in property and stocks
At age 26, become a self-made millionaire.
…..
It tells something.

I don’t agree using flash and Java and all the bells and whistles. However, use the audiogenerator in the beginning to let readers know the voice of Adam Khoo and to explain to the reader what is being offered and have a call to action. Builds credibility and hook the readers at the beginning.

Here’s an example of a script: “Hello, I’m Adam Khoo. I have helped all my students to attain their financial freedom and to grow their wealth. If you want to learn from me, you have come to the right place.
I want you to read this page very carefully, examine the testimonials my student have willingly given me, and get yourself the programme below. It is one of the best programmes out there in the market and I’m proud of it.
If it’s not in your budget, get my “7 Steps To Financial Freedom ” CD below by keying your first name and email address. You DON’T have to pay for it. I’ll teach you how you can …(benefits) and then you can get my program.

I won’t comment much on your headline and subheadlines except to say that use what works. However, I did show the salesletters to 7 people, 1 of which is an “Adam Khoo” guy and I have gotten
diverse responses. Most of which complained that the salesletters are too boring, long and spammish. Of course, as copywriters, we know better. But, the old headline caught one of them because $936,522 is bigger than $549,078.40 . I can’t comment much about this. But one way is to do an adword campaign to see which headlines pulls in more clicks. Then, use
the one which performed better and beat your control.

Lastly, I realize when you explain the benefits you used alternate bold texts, bullet checkboxes, highlights, and empty spaces. I have seen them used very often, so again, use what works.
Just make sure the reasons for using them are known. The whole salesletter has many pockets where tension were built well. Especially at the benefits part, so suffice to say that the functions of benefits are played well.

On a final note, if you have found my comments to be useful to you, I’d appreciate you giving me the chance to have the Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires programme.

Hi ! Adam

To make my comment short and truefull, both of them look good
to me because your name alone will sell these books.

keep up the good works

yours Sincerely
Patrick:)

I prefer the first one, with Adam’s face…
cos this one like more personal touch.

and adam’s face also quite good looking lar,
better looking than the 500K cheque thingie… 😛